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Divorce is Not the Solution to Marital Problems

Question: Soon after I was married, I found out that I don’t really know my husband. I don’t love him as I used to. What does the Bible say about divorce? I don’t want to remain married to this man. Please help me. I cry over this so much.

Answer: I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness and that your marriage is in difficulty. I hope and pray that I can give you some sound advice and that the Lord will graciously relieve you of your troubles and give you fresh life and joy like you never had before.

Marriage is for life. Divorce is not the solution for marital problems. Divorce is like euthanasia. When I’m caring for a very sick infant, I don't solve his problems by killing him! Instead, I treat him with all sorts of medicines and do all sort of painful procedures on him to restore his health. So don't try to solve your problems by destroying your marriage! There is much that you can do to restore your relationship with you husband - though of course this involves much work, prayer and sacrifice.

The Bible teaches that marriage is for life. Jesus said so:

The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:3-6).

What God has joined together, let man not separate! You are united to your husband - you two are one - God has joined you together.

You admit that you don't know your husband and you have stopped loving him. I believe you. Yet that is not a sufficient reason to seek divorce. On the contrary, you should arise and do something about it.

You need to begin “studying” the husband you don't know. You two need to spend time together talking, discussing things, solving any problems you have, telling each other how you feel, and so on. Both of you may be busy with work and so on, yet you must daily dedicate time to spend together in honest and open communication to know each other better.

You have also stopped loving your husband. You can learn to love him. Jesus told us to love our enemies! Certainly, you can learn to love your husband! You should have known that the "lovin’ feeling" of the love songs ALWAYS fades away after some time. Marriage is not built on infatuation. The love that glues the marriage is a tough and strong commitment of giving oneself for the other's benefit. Feelings are too volatile to glue people together. No matter how you feel on a particular day, you should still work, care and pray for your partner. Only when you have that kind of commitment, your feelings for him would be revived and sustained.

One final thing. In your sadness, don't forget God. Look through your tears to heaven, and seek God's help! He is your hope. He cares for you.

© Dr Joseph Mizzi