Question: I am an evangelical Christian
and I have been dating a wonderful man who is a devout Catholic. We are
concerned that we will not fully agree on important things if we consider
marriage. What do you think, is right or wrong if a Catholic and a Christian
were to marry?
Answer: I am deeply concerned for you and your friend. I
wish I can tell you to go ahead with your plans, but I would be irresponsible to do so.
Catholicism and biblical Christianity are two dissimilar
religions built on different foundations. Evangelical Christianity is based on
the teaching of the Bible alone; Catholicism is built on the teaching of the
magisterium. As a consequence, the respective teaching on the way of salvation
is different. Both cannot be true. Evangelicals believe in Christ for salvation
- and in nothing and nobody else, nor do they rely on any merits of our own;
whereas Catholics, in addition to faith, base their salvation on the reception
of baptism and other sacraments, good works and penance. Evangelicals seek to
live a godly life in grateful response to the grace of God; Catholics perform
works to merit the graces needed to attain eternal life.
What are the implications of the differences between
Catholicism and biblical Christianity? Well, marriage is a covenant of life-long
companionship. God joins the man and woman together so intimately that they
become “one flesh”. Their unity is a reflection of the relationship between
Christ and his bride, the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). But the fulfillment of
that union can only be experienced if the husband and wife are spiritually
united in a common faith and love for Christ. Otherwise there would be discord
and untold misery. 'Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?' (Amos 3:3).
If you and your partner are divided at the very core of your
soul, on the spiritual and most important aspect of your life, how can you
experience genuine unity? On Sunday will you go to Mass with your husband to
renew the sacrifice of Christ, or will each one of you go separate way? Will
you pray the rosary together? Will you be happy when your husband goes to
confession and divulge the details of your personal and married life to
another man?
Besides, you will be compelled to agree to raise up your
children in the Catholic religion, including infant baptism and Catholic
education. As an evangelical you do not consider that Catholicism is right for you,
why should you give it to your children?
Over the years I have received heartbreaking letters from
fellow Christians who made this tragic mistake. Please don't repeat it.
This week I received two letters. The first from a Christian
woman who has just divorced her Catholic husband; she believed that they could
make their marriage work despite the differences in their religions. She found
out the hard way that Christianity and Catholicism do not mix. Now she has two
kids to raise up, and their father is insisting that they go to a
Catholic school. The five-year-old is already confused because he has been told
at the Catholic school that only he, his brother and his father will go to heaven
because they are Catholics but mommy and her side of the family are will not! Do you
want that to happen to you and your children? The other letter came from a man
in his 50's. He wrote about his childhood experience, how he was raised by a
Christian mother and a Catholic father. Mum showed him the errors of
Catholicism. But he saw no unity at home and he gave up Christianity in disgust
when he grew up. He is now a hardened and bitter agnostic. Again I ask you, do
you want that to happen to your kids?
There are two options: the painful but shortest way is to
break up the relationship immediately; the other is more risky, but not
altogether impossible. Is your friend willing to consider evangelical
Christianity; perhaps the Lord will open his heart to biblical Christianity and
grant him the gift of faith in Christ. That will clear the way for your
marriage. There is danger, of course, that he will pretend to convert for your
sake. You need wisdom from above. Remember that the choice of your marriage
partner is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. A mistake here
could lead to terrible and life-long consequences. Do not let romantic love
blind you. Your responsibility is clear. This is the test whether you really
love God above all others. May God give you the strength to be faithful.
A sincere word of encouragement to the Catholic party. I
would not tell you to make any compromises for the sake of your Christian
sweetheart. However I exhort you to examine your religion in the light of God's
holy Word, the Bible. Maybe the Lord would be gracious and lead you to a saving
knowledge of Christ. Then you and your Christian friend would be free to marry.
May God fill your hearts with joy.
Note
The departure of Catholicism from the biblical truth is so
serious that many faithful Catholics are being led astray by a false gospel. It
is entirely possible that your Catholic friend is not saved at all. To marry a
non-Christian is a violation of the clear will of God.
The Old Testament emphatically teaches that God does not
permit his people to marry outside of the household of faith.
-
Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not
give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son
(Deuteronomy 7:3).
-
Now therefore, do not give your daughters as wives for
their sons, nor take their daughters to your sons...Should we again break
Your commandments, and join in marriage with the people committing these
abominations? Would You not be angry with us until You had consumed us, so
that there would be no remnant or survivor? (Ezra 9:12-14).
-
We have trespassed against our God, and have taken pagan
wives from the peoples of the land (Ezra 10:2).
-
Should we then hear of your doing all this great evil,
transgressing against our God by marrying pagan women? (Nehemiah 13:27)
-
Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has
been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem, for Judah has profaned the Lord’s
holy institution which He loves: He has married the daughter of a foreign
god (Malachi 2:11).
The New Testament is equally adamant in its position against
mixed marriages. Christians should not be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers
(that is, with people who do not believe the Christian gospel): "Do not be
unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness
with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians
6:14). Spiritually, there is nothing in common between Christians and
unbelievers. Christians know God; the latter do not. How can the two walk
together if they are going in different directions? That’s why God will not
allow his children to marry non-Christians.
The apostle Paul advices a Christian widow who wants to
re-marry, saying, "A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if
her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in
the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7: 39). She can marry the man of her choice as long as
he is "in the Lord" -- a phrase which Paul uses to denote a Christian. The
believer does not have an option to marry a non-Christian, but “only” in the
Lord.
The Catholic teaching on this matter is contrary to the Law
of God. The magisterium does not encourage marriage between Catholics and
non-Catholic Christians, much less with non-baptized (Hindus, Buddhists, etc);
but such marriages are allowed if a special “dispensation” is granted by higher
Catholic authorities. (See Catechism 1633-1637). That is most presumptuous. The
Catholic magisterium has no authority to annul the Word of God!